Lord, I am Not Worthy

By Jenny Dendinger

As I kneel in the pew waiting for my turn, my heart pounds in my chest. Soon, I will receive Jesus in the Eucharist.

I stand, and with each step, I become more and more aware of how unworthy I am of such a gift. Yet, he still calls to me.

Silently, I pray.

Domine, non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum:
sed tantum dic verbo et sanabitur anima mea.  

Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof:
but only say the word, and my soul shall be healed.

No matter how many times I pray these words, it never feels like enough.

As I move closer, my heart races with anticipation. I am approaching my Lord and my God!

Each time I receive the Eucharist, my mind struggles to grasp the reality of what is happening. Jesus knows who I am, and yet he still invites me to his table. The discomfort over my sinfulness weighs heavily on my heart as I accept his invitation. I want so badly to be near to him in every way! What else can I do but acknowledge my brokenness and ask him for healing?

Walking up the aisle, I am reminded of my wedding day – a bride eager to unite with her groom.

I kneel at the altar rail with my heart bursting with love as I look up at the Eucharist and give my whole heart to Jesus.

In that moment, I am completely aware of my smallness. Like a child presenting her father with the gift of her drawings on a crumpled piece of paper, all I have is my messy, broken life to give him.

Yet, he still loves me.

Jesus not only accepts my heart, broken pieces and all, but in the precious gift of the Eucharist, he offers me his own.