How To Love Your Infertile Friends

By Mary Bruno

A common question on the hearts of many fertile women is, “How can I help, or love, my infertile friends and acquaintances?” There are many ways, but I want to share one that is most helpful for me.

Infertility provokes the loneliest crevices of our hearts. It recognizes the desire to create and give of oneself, but responds with emptiness. It feels as though it laughs at our inability to be used for our greatest purpose.

But a woman’s greatest purpose is not to give birth. Her greatest purpose is to become the fullness of herself – to become who God has created her to be. There is a near-universal desire to heap love and cheek squeezes upon pregnant women and their newborns. Just imagine if the desire to heap love and support into the heart of the woman, encouraging her to step into all the desires of her heart, was universal, too.

Despite our deepest desires to bring forth new life from within, it doesn’t happen for some of us. Some of us won’t feel those baby kicks or the excitement of sharing a pregnancy announcement when we want to, but there are other very real joys present that we may or may not be fully aware of and pursuing.

I’m talking about those other deep desires – the gifts God has breathed into our very bones; unexplored talents the world is waiting to soak in. Maybe she wants to write a book or a song, maybe she’s passionate about social justice, maybe she’s super creative and builds stuff or paints on tables. Maybe she’s a foster parent or co-founded a non-profit organization and launched a website. (Thanks for all your support!)

Whatever it is, make her interests your own. Her work/interests are her baby, at least for now. Encourage her. Celebrate all of her and make sure she feels it. It could be of no interest to you at all, but make sure she feels it will lift her up.

A baby may not be there at this point, but something is! Those desires are worth celebrating! She is worth celebrating just as she is! It won’t take away the pain of waiting, disappointment, and medical treatments, but it may give her purpose. It may make her feel a little less alone and a little more seen.

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