Healing Through Miscarriage as a Family
By Megan Lacourrege
The road to healing after experiencing two miscarriages has been a challenging one for me and my family. There are no one-size-fits-all ways to approach the grief journey one goes on after such a loss.
I have been particularly affected by the fact that I have four children, but people only see two. Part of my path was creating visual acknowledgements of my babies who have died around my home. I made silhouette representations of both babies for my family picture wall. I also made a memorial display for the ultrasound picture I cherish of my baby, Jessie.
Writing and art helped me. Journaling allowed me to express myself. Sometimes when I didn’t know what to say, I picked up a pencil and sketched. My daughter who was 2 at the time of my 12-week miscarriage seemed to also benefit from memorial art. She was very cognizant of the loss. She often drew pictures of how she imagined our baby, Jessie, to look and asked for my help to write letters to him.
My husband and I discovered that St. Margaret Mary Church in Slidell has a memorial garden for the unborn. We went several times as a family to sit and reflect.
Other times, healing did not appear so serene. Other times, it meant crying together, visiting Jessie’s grave, allowing ourselves to feel all of the difficult emotions: anger, disappointment, sorrow.
I also began to realize that telling my story was crucial to my healing process. My 12-week miscarriage felt especially unreal to me. Over time, when I told my story over and over again in safe spaces, I was able to better process the loss.
Overall, though, our healing has been dependent on our being open to the process. We’ve often had to discover ways forward that spoke to our individual hearts and souls, especially because pregnancy loss doesn’t have much of a societal mourning ritual. By God’s grace, we’ve come a long way.