My Miscarriage Taught Me to Long for Jesus
By Megan Lacourrege
I think it is impossible to look at the ultrasound pictures taken during pregnancy and not to begin dreaming. That’s how it’s been for me, anyway.
In 2018, when I saw the ultrasound image of a teeny, tiny baby at just eight weeks in my womb, I wondered who that little person was. I dreamed of meeting him and holding him. I wanted to know what he looked like and what his personality would be.
We lost that baby to miscarriage about four weeks later. My longing to know him never stopped, and the resulting grief felt unbearable. I felt helpless. I was only left with questions about a person who I loved immensely but knew nothing about.
In living with this deep sorrow, I began to realize that my relationship with my deceased son was not unlike my relationship with Jesus. Jesus asks us to get to know him without seeing him. He wants us to talk to him without literally hearing his voice talking back. He wants us to love him and learn about him with a heart full of faith that, one day, we will meet face to face.
I’ve come to see that I must long for Jesus in a similar way to how I long for my baby. I should want to know Jesus just as much. I should foster a relationship with him, even when it appears as though he is not really present. And I can hold on to the same hope that both Jesus and my baby, shrouded though they are now, will be revealed to me as they really are in the end.
And, that will make the difficult time of longing, desiring and hoping all worth it.